FEELING LOW AND GETTING HELP

Afternoon all,

Today’s post is quite a sad one, I’m just using this blog as a way to express my feelings, thoughts and emotions.

Yesterday I self-referred myself to counselling.

I’m not well, mentally. I don’t have a diagnosed mental illness but I know I am not right and I’m keen to get to the bottom of whatever is dragging me down.

I feel like I am in an everlasting downward spiral, I’m so miserable, I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to see or speak to my friends. Today, when I left home to go to work I didn’t even bring my phone with me, I just left it at home so no-one could contact me. I’m so drained and weak, and although good things are happening in my life I just don’t feel right.

I’ve been feeling this way for about a week or two. Now I know everyone has off days but for me I’m usually someone who gets over it the next day… but this time that ‘off’ feeling isn’t going away.

Now- I know what you’re probably thinking, this girl sounds depressed, but I honestly don’t think I am. My mother suffers from depression and so does one of my closest friends so I know what it does to people and I’m definitely not at that point. However knowing myself and my life style I know that if I don’t get help sooner rather than later I could end up heading that way.

I have so many things to be happy and grateful for but honestly in these last few days, I’ve never felt so alone. I feel like I have no-one to talk to without burdening them or getting on their nerves. Everyone has problems and I can’t expect people to take on my problems and try and help me. Whereas, I’ve been to counselling before and it HAS in the past helped me deal with my problems. They get paid to listen to my problems so I don’t feel like I’m burdening them.

I’m having my first session on Friday and I will keep you up to date on what happens.

Thanks for bearing with

Chants x

IT’S NOT SLEEPY HOLLOW WITHOUT ABBIE MILLS…

On the topic of Sleepy Hollow, I think it’s fair to say I am missing Abbie Mills.

I think Alex (Rachel Melvin) and Jake (Jerry MacKinnon) are great additions to the cast. Diana (Janina Gavankar) is very slowly growing on me and I don’t mind Molly (Oona Yaffe). However, it’s not the same. I find the episodes slightly hard to watch as no-one had chemistry like Ichabod (Tom Mison) and Abbie (Nicole Baharie). I am incredibly grateful for Jenny (Lyndie Greenwood) still being there, although the show is slightly hinting at her departure with the ‘new jobs’ that have become available and her only wanting to find and train the new witness (a job that she is currently doing).

I don’t like the fact that they are no longer in Sleepy Hollow (I am in hopes that this will change!) and I don’t like the fact that they are trying to get Alex and Jake together. It all seems a little bit forced. The chemistry between Ichabod and Abbie was unmistakably strong, the bond between Abbie and Jenny (although it took some work) was incredibly strong, as with the relationships between Ichabod and Katrina, Jenny and Joe, Daniel and Abbie, I could go on. Whereas, now, apart from Alex and Jake no-one seems to have that super strong connection. Not even Ichabod and Molly. 

I believe Malcom Dreyfuss (Jeremy Davies) is a brilliant addition to the cast. He is a really good villain with quite a clear plan. His acting is good and his sidekick Jobe is also an asset to the series.

I am still watching, waiting and hoping that incredible things happen and I fall right back in love with the show, but for now… all I’m doing is missing Abbie Mills. It’s certainly not the same without her.

Chants x

THE THING ABOUT CANCER IS…

Now don’t panic.

I DO NOT HAVE CANCER.

My good friend M has just found out her mother has breast cancer (for the third time!).

It’s got me thinking about how hard it is to deal with cancer and don’t you think cancer patients and those who support them are amazing?

It takes a lot out of you dealing with cancer and we all know how important it is now-a-days. We are constantly on the look out for cancers and with all the different screening services and diagnostic processes we have, we are getting better and better at identifying them before its too late.

People say “why are we giving money to research charities if we still haven’t got the cure for cancer yet?” and I get it. However research is done every day and the way we are living now is a result of that.

Quality of life for one thing. Think about how many people are cancer survivors… that is thanks to techniques and methods of treatment that weren’t available before we did different forms of research.

It is so important to get involved.

We ARE moving towards beating cancer and this post isn’t a post about how we need to do more and how we should be grateful and blah blah blah. It’s more about awareness, for us to realise that the powers that be ARE trying to help and that not all hope is lost.

I mean, could you imagine the amount of money the pharmaceuticals company that discovers the cure for cancer would make!?

We are getting closer and closer.

Speak soon

Chants x

 

INFATUATION

Isn’t it a crazy thing?

It is so easy to meet someone, become infatuated with them and spend all of your time with them or talking to them or even thinking about them.

But what happens when that ends?

What now?

So just over a year ago an old friend and myself got close out of the blue one day, we became romantically involved and next thing I knew, he was on my mind 24/7. Things didn’t quite work out and we haven’t been in contact for about a month now. Now normally I’d sit here and tell you how much I feel like my life is missing something and I’m dying to talk to him and be close to him again.

Unfortunately or fortunately (depending how you look at things), I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t particularly miss talking to him or spending time with him. I’m not going to make my post all about that (I’ll save that for another day), but my point is- is I don’t feel like I’m missing anything.

How can we have such a great infatuation with someone or something and when it leaves our lives, we just go on without it or them?

When I got a message from him I nearly always smiled and one of my more frequent thoughts was “I don’t know what I’d do without him”. Well, I am without him and… I’m still alive and kicking. I couldn’t imagine myself without him in my life and… he’s not? Isn’t it bizarre how I’m just getting on with it when a month ago I was talking to him every minute of every day?

This post isn’t a meaningful one, its literally just me- thinking.

We can spend time practically obsessed with someone and be just as fine without them.

WORK DRINKS: THE PROS AND CONS

Hello there!

Now today’s topic is… WORK DRINKS.

Now this is the thing that the majority of the UK (particularly London) do. Its a chance for you to get to know your colleagues in a better way as well as having a good time and a laugh (and the odd bitch about who you don’t like in the office). Some people, like myself are quite partial to a glass of wine and a good old chin wag after work and some people are not as into it as you’d think.

The good thing about going out to drink with work colleagues is of course (as previously stated), getting to know them better. A lot of people change when they are outside of a working environment and they feel like they can be themselves a lot more. They can become more open and your relationships can reach new heights. After all, we all want to get on with who we work with. It makes the days go quicker and people are more willing to help each other when they have a good relationship.

The bad thing about going out for drinks with work colleagues is- the boundaries. Sometimes relationships are misinterpreted and they immediately think that you are now BBF’s and will be over at their house on the weekend. The privacy thing goes out the window, the days of bitching about your office on Facebook will be no more. They want you on all of their social media, they want your number and potentially the skin off your back.

So what do you do?

How do you maintain the boundaries but still go and be social with the team?

The answer?

I have no idea, I don’t know why you’re looking at me. I went out for mid-week drinks with my team last week and this is the result:

Good luck to you all. I hope you are more successful at keeping the boundaries clear than I am.

Speak soon

Chants x

WINE AND CHEESE NIGHT!

Good day all!

I wanted to share with you my first experience of a cheese and wine night. So my dear friend F invited me and a few of her friends round to her place for a cheese and wine night. I obviously jumped at the opportunity as I am an insane lover of both cheese AND wine.

It wasn’t due to start until around 9PM (because of different work commitments) so I had a bit of time to waste before-hand. I went to an annual departmental party with some colleagues and that was brilliant. I had about 4 glasses of wine and I think it was safe to say I was merry.

Upon arriving at F’s house there was a beautiful spread on the table and some Camembert in the oven!

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It was really well done. There was every type of wine you could think of, a ton of different cheeses, grapes, plenty of breads and olives and nuts. Honestly- everything was there.

We spent the night chatting and catching up, having a little gossip here and there. Overall it was a brilliant night. I ended up getting an Uber home and honestly I passed out as soon as I entered my room (at about 3.30am). I woke up the next morning at about 8am (STILL drunk!)… A slight headache but no real hangover. We all had  a great time though!

I think cheese and wine nights are probably my new favorite thing!

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Chants x

DECEMBER TO JANUARY – THE FINANCIAL WOES

Morning all, happy Friyay!

I haven’t posted on here in a few days and honestly its because I’ve been lazy. I went back to work this week and its been rather hectic. I didn’t realize how difficult and time consuming it is to write blog posts every day!

So this post is about the financial transition between December and January.

Why do we do it? Every year we all do the same thing where we say “Nope! Not this year, I will not be broke… I will not spend hundreds of pounds on Christmas!” yet, we still do it and we still find ourselves in a situation in January where we can barely get through the month.

I am incredibly guilty of this, this month has been an absolute struggle. I have about £15 quid to my name and I’m getting paid next Tuesday. I am in a silly amount of debt just so I could pay for Christmas and get everyone what they wanted but quite frankly, I’m tired of it.

The problem with my family is- they have everything they want.

I think moving forward I need to be more prepared… by buying gifts throughout the year and making sure that I actually save money aside for the new year.

How do you get through the Christmas period? Are you like me or way more organised?

Give me some tips! Let a girl know!

Speak soon

Chants x

FOR THE LOVE OF POKEMON

So,

Last year Pokemon GO! came out and everybody went absolutely ballistic over it. I was not one of those people, at the time I had a dodgy temporary phone so I didn’t even bother installing it and by the time I upgraded the hype died down. My mum is still on it though, still searching for the Pokemon and hatching eggs. It never really appealed to me, it all seemed a little bit pointless.

But ACTUAL Pokemon. Now that will always be a great thing. So 2 nights ago, whilst I was in bed I was thinking about Pokemon- random I know. But I remembered that a few years ago I had an emulator on my phone which allowed me to play Game boy Color games. So I went on the hunt to the Google Play store and immediately found one for a Gameboy Advance. See now, the last Pokemon game I played was Pokemon GOLD, this was because after that I had sort of grown out of playing with handheld consoles and I was more into the home video game consoles. I downloaded the emulator onto my phone and found a ROM for Pokemon Sapphire (which I had never played). This was a very exciting thing for me!

I began playing and have genuinely been glued to my phone ever since. Its still early days and I only have 3 gym badges. I’m currently trying to get the fire gym badge… We’ll see how that goes! Haha! I would highly recommend getting an emulator app and playing some old school games. Here’s what it looks like on my phone: (you can also turn it landscape)

If you have any Pokemon tips please share ’em! I’m practically a newbie!

MY FOODIE WEEKEND

Morning all,

So today I want to tell you about my foodie weekend.

Friday – was my last day in Bournemouth! I decided to treat myself to some food from the hotel cafe and I must say- it was really rather tasty. I ordered a burger topped with chilli and some chips. Here it is:

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I then took a nice long stroll to the train station, passing the beach and all the shops on Bath Road. Luckily for me it didn’t snow in Bournemouth but it snowed in London so I was rather chuffed with that!

Saturday – I had arranged to meet up with my friend L. We had decided we were going to go to Bromley for something to eat. It was local and reasonably priced so we headed there and went on the hunt for food. We both had a craving for some Italian food… there were a couple of places and we decided on Ask Italian. For our starter we ordered (to share)

WHY I CANNOT BE TRUSTED

Afternoon all,

As you know from yesterdays blog post I am currently in Bournemouth and since I have been here I have done nothing but spend money.

Yesterday I had a rather nice walk to the hotel, took about half an hour but I got to walk along the beach so that was a plus.

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I got to the hotel at around 4pm and straight away decided on having a kip (this is quite typical of me and is something I do very regularly). I woke up a couple of hours later really hungry and dehydrated, so I decided to have a wonder. I thought it would probably be best to stay near the hotel considering it was so dark so early, so I popped round the corner and found (very conveniently for me) a whole bunch of restaurants and a news agents. I popped into the news agents first and then decided on a sausage in batter and chips to feed my hunger! I then concluded the night by watching a film called ‘The two faces of January’ and then some Law and Order: SVU (one of my faves). So all in all a very relaxed first day!

Today its pouring down with rain and has been since I woke up this morning at around 9am. Despite this I still told myself that I would go out. I’ve avoided the beach today because my goodness, could you imagine? I’d be completely and utterly drenched. So I decided to go into town and do a spot of shopping. I went to M&S and spent way too much on lingerie, then headed to Primark and of course spent money again, I headed to Boots and- can you see a pattern emerging here? This is why I shouldn’t be left unattended near shops. And this isn’t a case of ‘if you’ve got it, spend it’ because I most certainly do NOT have it.

I’m sitting in a Costa right now, I just had a chicken and chorizo panini and I’m sipping on a mango and passion fruit cooler- Yum. Please don’t judge me, I know what it looks like. I’m slowly becoming those people I hate. Why are you sitting in a coffee shop with your laptop? Don’t you have a home? This is what Bournemouth does to me, honestly. I’d never do this in London…

Tomorrow I want to go to the aquarium (yet again more money being spent)… We’ll see about that though. It depends on what time I wake up. I think check-out is 12… or 11? I’ll have to check that.

Anyway,

TTFN

Chants x