Today’s post is quite a sad one, I’m just using this blog as a way to express my feelings, thoughts and emotions.
Yesterday I self-referred myself to counselling.
I’m not well, mentally. I don’t have a diagnosed mental illness but I know I am not right and I’m keen to get to the bottom of whatever is dragging me down.
I feel like I am in an everlasting downward spiral, I’m so miserable, I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to see or speak to my friends. Today, when I left home to go to work I didn’t even bring my phone with me, I just left it at home so no-one could contact me. I’m so drained and weak, and although good things are happening in my life I just don’t feel right.
I’ve been feeling this way for about a week or two. Now I know everyone has off days but for me I’m usually someone who gets over it the next day… but this time that ‘off’ feeling isn’t going away.
Now- I know what you’re probably thinking, this girl sounds depressed, but I honestly don’t think I am. My mother suffers from depression and so does one of my closest friends so I know what it does to people and I’m definitely not at that point. However knowing myself and my life style I know that if I don’t get help sooner rather than later I could end up heading that way.
I have so many things to be happy and grateful for but honestly in these last few days, I’ve never felt so alone. I feel like I have no-one to talk to without burdening them or getting on their nerves. Everyone has problems and I can’t expect people to take on my problems and try and help me. Whereas, I’ve been to counselling before and it HAS in the past helped me deal with my problems. They get paid to listen to my problems so I don’t feel like I’m burdening them.
I’m having my first session on Friday and I will keep you up to date on what happens.
Thanks for bearing with